The Rules of ‘You, Me, We, Nim, Ssi’: How to Call Age and Relationships in Korean Society.
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In the previous article, we learned how Korean family titles define intimate relationships. However, in Korea, it’s also common not to use a person’s name directly when addressing non-family members. The usage of the pronouns ‘You’ (Neo) and ‘I’ (Na), and the official titles ‘Nim’ and ‘Ssi’, are particularly confusing for foreigners.
This guide provides a specific code of conduct so you can address and refer to people without making mistakes in official settings or in everyday social situations in Korean society.
1. The Rule of ‘I’ to ‘Jeo’ and ‘You’ to ‘Title’
Korean emphasizes respect for the conversation partner by performing the action of ‘lowering oneself’. This is the first code of conduct to follow when using pronouns.
- Use ‘Jeo’ instead of ‘Na’ (I):
- Code of Conduct: When speaking to someone older or in a higher position (an elder), you must use ‘Jeo’ instead of ‘Na’ (I). ‘Na’ is reserved for friends or those younger than you.
- K-Feel Insight: Using ‘Jeo’ is the easiest way to perform the action of saying, “I respect you.”
- Use the person’s ‘Title’ or ‘Name’ instead of ‘Neo’ (You):
- Code of Conduct: Directly addressing someone as ‘Neo’ (You) in Korea is often considered rude or used only in highly casual relationships.
- Alternative Action: Use titles like ‘Seonsaengnim’ (Teacher/Doctor/Professional) or ‘Sajangnim’ (Boss/Owner) for elders, and ‘Name + Ssi (Ssi)’ or ‘Name + Nim (Nim)’ for people of similar age.
2. The Pronoun That Shows Belonging: The Expansion of ‘Uri’ (We)
The word ‘Uri’ (We) holds a special meaning in Korean. ‘Uri’ is a form of action that expresses a strong sense of belonging and intimacy, extending beyond just ‘me and you’.
- ‘Our’ instead of ‘My’:
- Code of Conduct: Koreans often say ‘Uri Eomma’ (Our Mom) or ‘Uri Hakgyo’ (Our School) instead of ‘My Mother’ or ‘My School’. While this might sound strange to foreigners, it is the action of expressing a sense of belonging: “We are members of the same community.”
- Practical Action: Try using the word ‘Uri’ when talking to Korean friends about your family or company. It will give the impression that you understand the communal spirit.
3. The Universal Titles for Official Settings: Distinguishing ‘Nim’ and ‘Ssi’
In official settings or when you don’t know the other person’s age, ‘Nim’ and ‘Ssi’ provide the most practical code of conduct.
- The Safest Honorific: ‘~Nim’
- Code of Conduct: Used after a person’s job title or name (e.g., Sajangnim, Kim OO Nim). This is the best universal title to express respect to anyone, regardless of age or status.
- K-Feel Insight: When you need to show respect, using ‘Nim’ is an action that ensures you will never make a mistake.
- The Formal Title for Peers: ‘~Ssi’
- Code of Conduct: Used after a person’s name in peer-to-peer relationships, such as colleagues in a workplace or people of similar age (e.g., Kim OO Ssi).
- Action Warning: Unlike ‘Nim’, using ‘Ssi’ for an elder or superior can be considered a rude action. If the age difference is clear, you must use ‘Nim’.
Use ‘Nim’ to express your respect, and become one with Koreans using ‘Uri’!
